Oh Blah

Ready for some major word vomit? Good, because I am about to let it go…

Heard from Dr. Paley today and as I suspected what he said did not come as a surprise but it did feel like a rough slap in the face. My right leg still has not healed so he would like another set of x-rays in a month. That’s August. I knew he was going to say that but it still stung, a lot. In fact at this very moment, I still haven’t gotten over it. It isn’t that I can’t handle living with the fixators, life has actually gotten a lot easier over the past week or so. What I can’t handle is the pain and the sleeplessness. The nerve pain has increased tremendously in both legs to the point where it can become unbearable. (Think about the most intense surging pins and needles feeling.) Not to mention that for the past 4 months I have been living life off of an average 3 hours of sleep per night and terrible sleep at that. My day is either really wonderful or just down right awful. I never feel like I just have an in between day. If the pain stopped and I started to sleep through the night, I swear I would be a brand new person.

My saving grace is physical therapy. Not only are the people there a breath of fresh air but they understand. Several of them have watched me grow up, literally, over the past 13 years. They understand me on so many levels and when I’m in pain they know exactly what to do. Thank goodness for that.

Another big issue that I’m having is staying in the present. It is so hard for me to stop looking ahead to the future, living life back in Charleston without the clunkers, getting back in shape, seeing my friends, going back to work. I think it is because my present moments are so painful and often extremely boring. What I am realizing is that my healing isn’t going to happen in the future, it has to happen now and I have to be in the “now” and connected to the present moment more often. Good thing I have help 😉 http://zenhabits.net

Enough of the bad news, on a lighter note I have been walking unassisted for over a week. No crutches, finally! My freedom has reached a new level and it is just wonderful. Even though walking hurts my stubbornness keeps me from reaching for my crutches. Another big plus, this past weekend I tackled the beach with my cousins and I was shocked at how easy it was.

Whew. I think that’s enough for one night.

Love.

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