You know when you have that something in your life that not many people know of? Maybe it’s a bad habit, something personal, you get the idea. We all have something. My something has been hanging over my head for fourteen years. It has nothing to do with my short stature or surgeries, promise. But it has everything to do with the way that I live my life, getting in the way constantly. Very few people know what it is, as I choose not to acknowledge it. Ever. Sometimes I feel like it causes me to hold back from being me. Obviously that is not a good thing.
For years I have been working with myself to try and make this thing go away. Although it may disappear for weeks or maybe a couple of months at a time, it always manages to resurface. For now, I have simply learned to live with it and avoid talking about it at all costs. Recently, during my trip to Charleston, it came up. While over a friend’s house, we began to talk about all of life’s little issues. This friend somehow managed to squeeze it out of me. Good thing I would trust her with my life.
At first, I freaked out. Even after I left her house I was shaking and nervous about letting her in on my little secret. Was she going to judge me? Treat me differently? Why, oh why, did I let it slip? Then maybe an hour or so after I left I received a text message from her. And I quote, “Thank you for trusting me enough to share all of you with me. You have nothing to be ashamed of or apologize for. Girl, nothing you do changes my love for you.” Wow. At that point I think ten thousand pounds worth of useless nervous weight lifted off my shoulders.
Finally I had let someone in. At the time I didn’t like it, I was scared shitless. But now I know that around her, I can be me and that feels oh so good. Do yourself a favor and put your trust in someone who cares. By far, it is the best feeling in the world.
Trust in love.