We all have role models and guides in life, people who show us the way and keep us on track. Emotionally we are drawn to those who feel familiar on an energetic level. That is, people who, on an emotional level, resonate with us as being familiar. It feels to us as if we have a strong connection to those people sometimes a connection that you cannot explain. In other words, we are drawn to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our most powerful and earliest experience of happiness and love.
The individual(s) whom we form an attachment to may be someone who has made a difference in our life, helped us over a hurdle, been there for us when we needed a shoulder to lean on. We then begin to focus on this person rather than focus on ourselves at times when we need our own attention and time. Truly we need to let go of focusing on the other person and start focusing inward. The reason that we get involved with these people who are unavailable to us, is because we are unavailable to ourselves.
We call and we text constantly wanting to be their center of attention, wanting to spend time with them and yet they always are unavailable. We pin our happiness to these people and hold onto them for dear life. We stress about the possibility of losing them when something seems wrong and then we experience sadness if we see changes in our interaction.
Recently, I have found this to be so true for me. And so, I am writing this as a reminder to myself. As individuals we need to develop healthy emotional intimacy with ourselves because truthfully, all we need is us. All you need is you. These people who have acted as teachers in my life to help me get in touch with my strengths and weaknesses are solely that; teachers. It is vital for me to start (and continue) to be aware that if I meet someone who feels like a soul mate, it does not necessarily mean we are going to become best friends forever. What it does mean? I am being given another wonderful, and painful, opportunity for growth.
Although I can tell myself this over and over again, that all I need is me, it still hurts to realize that I don’t need that “friend” in my life. But the truth and reality hurts. Slowly but surely I am realizing that I am a stronger individual than I realize to be true and I don’t need anyone to get me through a rough patch.
For those people who have helped me through all of my surgeries, I send them gratitude. They have kept me on my feet and gotten me to this point; helping me to realize that I AM ALL I NEED. And so are you 🙂 Just keep telling yourself over and over and over again. It’s no simple task, to let go of attachment but rather a lifetime commitment that involves changing the way we experience and interact with everyone and everything that we want to hold on to.
So start small; baby steps. Believe that YOU are enough. Live in the moment and notice the little things. Hold your friends close to your heart, but lightly, don’t suffocate. Learn to fly solo more often than not and enjoy it. Most of all, be your own best friend. You have yourself for eternity. It will be harder to let people go when necessary if you depend on them for your sense of worth. Believe you’re worthy whether someone else tells you or not. This way, you relate to people—not just how they make you feel about yourself.
|Walk with a sense of pride. You are perfect just the way you are 🙂|
Love and strength.