Uncertain and Unknown

Lately, I have had to continually tell myself over and over, like 50 times a day and that is no exaggeration, that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. My mind can’t help but focus on my friends who have higher paying jobs, aren’t financially strapped, have finished with their master’s degree, are getting married and popping out babies left and right. Fear of an uncertain future can keep us from doing great things and it can cause us to hold onto something(s) that are hurting us.

Am I where I am supposed to me? Last night I found myself wondering what life would have been like if I hadn’t gone through with all of the lengthening surgeries. Of course, I got myself all worked up and started to panic. Good thing that I got ahold of myself. Literally, I yelled my own name out loud and told myself to get a grip, stop dwelling on the past and look how far I have come (not how far I have to go.)

We become comfortable in the life we’ve built for ourselves — people we know and love, places that are familiar, routines. Losing the comfort of our environment to go into a place where we’re vulnerable and might fail, might not be good enough, is painful and downright scary. So it isn’t the fear of the future, it is the fear of change and the pain and discomfort that it will bring.

The more I think about it, the more the whole idea becomes sillier and sillier. Look at all of the change and pain that I went through over the course of four years — a process that was frowned upon by so many people and yet, here I am. Obviously times got tough but I got through it and look at all that has happened since then. Since those major changes I have become comfortable where I am at. But am I really that comfortable? No. I am craving change (otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly talking about going back to school etc.)

What’s a girl to do? Stop fighting it. Stop resisting change and just buck up. Let it be. I know exactly what I want to do and where I want to go. Now I just need to take the steps to get there and continue to learn along the way.

One step and a time. Just like I went one inch at a time, the same concept. Nothing ever happens all at once although sometimes it may seem that way. By starting small we are able to accept the change more gracefully. If we fail or fall, take it as a learning experience. Find the humor in it and laugh a little.   Take the new opportunities and go. Change = new and amazing, new opportunities to explore and learn, meet new people and reinvent yourself. When the change happens, look for the wonder in it and be certain of all the uncertainty in your life.

Throw open all of your windows and bust through the door into the amazingly beautiful unknown.

Love.

(I invite you to ‘like’ my page little legs. BIG Heart. on Facebook)

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