[disclaimer: this is the real honest truth about what is/has been happening in my life. i’m not seeking sympathy, by any means. i’ve got this. prayers and words of encouragement, however, are highly advised.]
Truth: I’ve been playing the stoic and invincible card lately.
Fact: It’s gotten me no where. If anything, I have caused my situation to become worse. Trying to be a hero and think that ‘this can never happen to you,’ it isnt worth it.
Truth: In dealing with a more recent diagnosis of spinal stenosis and the constant pain that it causes I can’t help but think that people see me as a woman caught up in the same old story of discomfort and the need for sympathy.
Fact: Not true.
Truth: Pain. It. Hurts.
Fact: Pain. It. Hurts.
Sigh. Here we are. It’s been almost a year since I was diagnosed with spinal stenosis. Up until a couple weeks ago, the pain was manageable. Right now, in this very moment, it is borderline excruciating.
In the past few weeks, it has been easy to be alone. It’s been easy to wallow and cry. It’s been easy to go out and try to drink away the pain as if there was a message in the bottle. It has not been easy to play advocate for myself.
But I finally have taken action. This week, I met my parents down in south Florida and had an appointment with a back specialist here. Dr. Feldman is a talented man and I couldn’t think of a better doctor to do the job.
Bad news: My spinal cord is VERY TIGHT in one area of my back. Hence the unbelievable pain I have been having and the inability to walk a half of a block.
Good news: He can fix me. I am going in for surgery on May 2 down in West Palm Beach. The procedure will definitely involve a spinal decompression and possibly turn into a spinal fusion. It all rests on my MRI. That is a whole other story. My last MRI was a piece of cake, this one, not so much. Let’s just say that I should have been sedated for it – I was in that much discomfort. Laying flat on a hard table and being completely still for an hour ended up being harder than I imagined possible. All of the stress and completion of the procedure called for a very sweet reward. Ice cream. Duh. If you’re ever in West Palm Beach, go to Relish and get a milkshake. You will thank me.
MRI. Milkshakes. More surgery. I feel like an automobile consistently needing maintenance work here and there. And all I can do is accept things as they are and just be with.
Here’s to healing.