Chaos and Self Love

Sometimes amidst the chaos of our everyday lives we forget to just take a moment and tend to our necessity for self love. Maybe it sounds silly to you. Self love, if you look at it a certain way can just sound cocky. But don’t we all have the right to be a little cocky sometimes? Now, I think yes. Trust me, that wasn’t how I always saw it. The thought of ‘loving myself’ just sounded weird. Now, I make it a point to give myself love every chance I get.

This past week has been nothing short of chaos. Aside from being my first week of strictly night shifts at the hospital, I also pulled four straight shifts in a row. The number one thing I learned? Kristen does not do well living the life of a vampire. The whole sleep during the day and work at night deal? My body does not approve. My first night shift was slow, it was difficult adjusting to running around at 4:00am trying to keep my eyes open and a smile on my face.

Upon arriving for night two at work, I discovered that I was being floated to another unit; one that I am not too fond of. Initially, I just wanted to cry about the whole situation. Using all of the tools that I have learned, I went to the bathroom, had a small meltdown and then gave myself a little self lovin’ pep talk. What I had to do was stop creating this story in my mind that the night was going to be horrible and just tell myself that the other unit needed me and the kids would be grateful for my help. Maybe it wasn’t easy, but I made it out alive. When I found myself in a moment of chaos I continued to cheer myself on and send myself love.

After night two, I was spent and couldn’t have been happier knowing that I had a night off. But then after talking to a coworker I found out that, yet again, it had been another psychotic day on the floor and they were understaffed that night. Listening to my heart I went in for overtime. Overall, it ended up being a good night thanks to some stellar teamwork. Despite the craziness, we were able to have some laughs too. That morning, I left tired but grateful for the opportunity to help.

After three in a row, I knew last night was going to be a tough one. Sure enough, craziness doesn’t even begin to describe those 12 hours. It wasn’t easy. 12 needy patients and a meltdown included. What got me through? Some simple ‘Thank Yous’ from coworkers and self love. Working in the Children’s Hospital constantly reminds me of how grateful I am for what I have and that there is ALWAYS someone who has it a lot harder in life. Any negative energy amidst the chaos that was directed towards me last night, I immediately deflected with love, gratitude and a few 4AM giggles.

Give love to yourself and others, EVERY chance you get.


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